I realized something very important about a month ago: I’m not ready for my boyfriend to move in with me.

 It’s weird, because in the back of my mind I always just thought that’s what would happen. I would move back home after college and live there for a while, then I’d move out, and then he’d move in with me and we’d live happily ever after. Or something like that. Mind you, we’ve never talked about getting married. Don’t you think that’s strange? We’ve been together for 5 years, and neither of us has ever brought it up. I think its because we’re not ready yet (at least I’m not).

The only times we’ve even thought about marriage (publicly) is when his parents jokingly mention it “[QL], you’re in for quite a surprise when you guys get married! He [insert embarrassing facts].” The last time it happened was kind of awkward. We were hanging out with a couple of our close friends and his brother asked “so, when are you guys finally getting married?” Umm…uh…[both of us wearing a “deer in the headlights” look]

 The funny thing is that I have no doubt I want to be with him for the rest of my life. I just think there’s more to it than that.  For the sake of brevity, I’ll stick to the “moving in” issue for now.  I never even considered that I wasn’t ready for him to move in with me, once I moved out. This was until one night we were talking about how I’m saving up to move and our friend asked me if I’d be asking him to move in with me. Right away, my defense mechanism kicked in and I turned it into a joke. I said no, came up with some silly/funny reason why not, we laughed, we moved on. That thought stayed in my head though…my first reaction was a “no.”

It seriously stuck in my head that whole night, and I realized that No, I’m not ready to have him move in, and thats ok with me. While in the back of my head I pictured him moving in with me, the reality of it paralyzed me. I had always thought of turning “the 2nd bedroom” into an office for myself, and since he doesn’t have a actual office at home for his work I thought it’d be cool to include him in there….until I realized that would root him in there for good. The thought is just too final for me right now.

Independence is something I value, and I’ve been looking forward to my own place for so long…I think it needs to be just that for a while: MY own place.

 I hope I don’t sound like a jerk. I just don’t want to make a mistake that’ll leave me (or him) feeling cornered or in some way jeopardize our future.

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