Its almost 6 o’clock and I’m still at work…patiently sitting as I wait for my boss to give the “okay” that means we can all go home. Its my first time going through this process; we are “closing out” a project that we will be submitting to a possible client tomorrow.

I guess the title of this post is a little deceptive. People often get the impression that I don’t like my job, mostly because I complain a lot. I do complain, but its mostly my way to cope. In school when I’d have tons of project due the stress would get to me, but I had friends to vent with and we all knew what was going on…I think we all secretly liked school, but didn’t want to admit it to anyone (at least I kinda did! Not enough to do grad school though….)

Now at work, its the same thing….stress comes and goes with deadlines, so when the going gets tough…I get whiny! I’ve tried to stop it, but it just comes out that way! When some of my friends hear this they sometimes ask me, “why don’t you just get another job?” I don’t hate my job, I just gotta vent to someone! =]

I’m less disappointed with my job right now than I’m disappointed with the job I’m doing. While I was never a straight-A student, grades came pretty easily to me. I wouldn’t study much and still get A’s and B’s. All of that is coming back to kick me in the butt…I don’t have to study at this point of my life, but I do have to give it a good effort. I need to work to do a good job, and work for my money, and I tend to forget that at times. I tend to forget that its ok to ask questions, its normal to not know everything, and sometimes those that are “above” me may be just as clueless…so its ok to ASK! Ever since I started in this new position I’ve been feeling insecure, and inadequate….and while they’re “normal” feelings its hard for me to shake them off.

The good thing is that I’m getting a little more confident now. The first project I worked on was a disaster if you ask me (and my boss, I’m sure. I’m embarassed to say that..). This is the second one, and it went slightly better. I didn’t fall apart, but there are still some gaps that I need to work on filling. I guess everything is trial and error, and it ties into a lot of the themes we read about on most of these blogs…that on first view everyone else seems to be doing better than you, but if you take a minute to look at them closely they’re not doing that much differently than yourself.

Update: We were all called in to meet with the boss around 6pm and go over each of our parts to make sure we’d covered everything. We got to my portion of the work and discussed it with him…and at the end before I was dismissed he said “you did well…” Three seemingly insignificant words, but they did wonders!! I guess I’m not a complete waste afterall. =]

Disclaimer: To all the English majors out there, sorry about my atrocious grammar on this post!