So this is what it feels like to hate your job. Hmmm….

For the past few months I’ve been dreading going into work. I’m not 100% sure what it is that makes me dread it, but I do….I’m not happy anymore, and work doesn’t stay at work. I keep worrying about it when I go home at night. That never happened to me before.

For a while I thought it would go away. “Ahh, yes….when I get into the groove I’ll like it more”. Instead, it has intensified. The funny thing is I didn’t notice this until less than a month ago (after about 6 months). I was really debating if I wanted to stay in this department once my rotations are over. I couldn’t decide. And then suddenly one day it hit me: I can NOT do this for the rest of my life. I need to get out!!!

Now, before you ask why I haven’t turned around and started running, the answer is simple. I’m in a rotational program….I have just a few weeks left. I think it would make a worse impression if I went to management pleading to be taken out of this department as opposed to finishing up with my responsibilities and bowing out honorably. I think. I hope.

So now I’m counting down the days until this is over. I had the three projects from hell this week, all due on the same day. Friday. Luckily they gave us news that one had been extended one more week, therefore buying me some time. Mind you, this is my first time handling more than one project at a time….so it hasn’t been pretty. I’m glad I’m in the back office where no one can see my frustration and see me almost in tears. This has really sucked. Oh, I almost forgot….earlier this week they also tacked on another project to my name. Luckily this one isn’t due until October 3rd. Since that is technically my last day in the department I hope they don’t give me anymore projects.

I feel like such a wimp….like I was thrown out there to see if I could survive….but I failed. I couldn’t deal with it.

I was sent the form I’m supposed to fill out for my performance assessment. I don’t want to look at it. I feel like I’ve done such a crap job that I really have nothing to say about it.

Anyway, I’ll get over myself now. I hope they assign me to a new project in another department right away. I’ll be looking forward to it in the meantime.

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