I feel terrible for practically disappearing from this site. I know the #1 blogger faux-pas is to apologize for not posting often, but I’m not exactly apologizing. I just feel terribly about it….after all this blog has always been here for me to vent, to let out my frustrations, and when I seemingly need it most I’ve just run away from it. I guess that just sums up what I’ve been up to the past 3 weeks.

It has now been over 3 weeks since I’ve been laid off. Almost 4. What have I done? Not much, really. I’ve watched a heck of a lot of TV, I’ve surfed the internet and commented on a few blogs….but I haven’t really been productive. I’ve worked on my resume maybe for a total of 3 hours (still not done), I’ve been sleeping in way more than is healthy (I’ve woken up at 1pm a couple of times), and I’ve almost completely caught up on Dexter (damn it, why is the last episode taking so long to load?!!!*)

Thinking about it all now, I realize why my daily plans have all been thrown aside….I’d rather just let my mind go numb than to really think about what is going on. I’d rather not think about having to sum up my “skills” on a sheet of paper….my insecurities come up when I start thinking about what I should‘ve been doing for the past 3 years at my job. I read through it and I think “that’s it? Three and a half years and that’s all I have to show for it?” I start thinking about what a pain interviewing is going to be…..when they ask if I know how to do something and my answer will inevitably have to be “uhh, no”. (Let’s not even talk about the “what is your greatest weakness?” type questions.) I start thinking about how much harder this will probably be than I keep convincing myself. How many resumes am I going to have to send out? What if I actually have to change careers? Will I have the guts to dive into something new? Something difficult? Something that [gasp] pays less?!!

Instead of all that I’ve chosen to escape for the past three weeks. Sit on my ass (my poor couch is starting to get a permanent slump in the spot where I keep sitting) and numb my mind with TV and the internets. I’m not proud, but at least I see it now.

I didn’t think I’d have to grieve the loss of my job, after all I saw it coming, I was more or less prepared financially, but as they say the first stage of grief is “Denial and Isolation”, and in retrospect that’s exactly what I’ve been going through.

Well, as for the isolation,  I should report (for the sake of all of you that might think I’ve been locked up in this apartment for three weeks now) I’ve been visiting my parents and/or BF throughout the week and weekend, and at least seeing a “real-live” person each day….I just really haven’t talked to anyone about my state of joblessness and my feelings about it.

Hm, does this mean I’m ready for the second stage: Anger? I want to say no, that I won’t have to go through that at all, but you never know….

[For those who are wondering, the 5 stages of grief: 1) Denial and Isolation, 2) Anger, 3) Bargaining, 4) Depression, 5) Acceptance.]

*And yes, the only reason I finally wrote this post was because I’m STILL waiting for Dexter Season 4 Episode 12 to load, and needed a way to pass the time…..argh! The suspense!

Advertisements