My boyfriend broke up with me last night.

I’m not sure it’s completely set in quite yet, it doesn’t feel like it’s really happening. And yet I woke up this morning crying, and couldn’t go back to sleep. It was his idea, and while I can’t say it came out of nowhere, it did take me by surprise. I knew he was going through a personal/identity crisis, but I didn’t really think this is the direction he’d take it….

I can’t say I blame him. He doesn’t want to turn into his parents (bitter and resentful of each other), and I definitely don’t want him to be unhappy. I could be selfish, but would that really help me?

I’m not sure where to go from here. It hasn’t even been 12 hours, but I just want to skip over this suffering part. I just want to get out of my apartment and move on and pretend the last 8 years never happened.

The saddest part is I don’t have any real friends I can call to talk to. Which is why part of me kind of understands why this needs to happen….I need to learn to exist outside of our relationship. He says he doesn’t want me out of his life….and really, we know each other better than anyone else does so it’d be hard to break it off and never see each other again. But I’m afraid that in the back of my mind I’ll always be sitting around waiting, hoping that he’ll change his mind.

So I’m not sure what’s next. I guess I move on?