I pretty much paid for my schooling myself….mostly through financial-aid, scholarships, and loans. Lots of them. I always forget though, that my mom helped too. She took out two plus loans over two semesters to help pay (basically, only because in order to be considered for Unsubsidized loans my mom had to apply. I would’ve rather paid it all myself).
Fast forward three years and my mom is still paying my loans. I feel incredibly guilty for this, and when you add this to the fact that I’m still living at home….I feel useless. I really would like to repay those loans for her, the only problem is I have no idea how much she owes, she won’t give me any information (believe me, I’ve asked), and writing a check is useless. (I have about $900 in checks out to her at the moment. It takes her months to deposit them, and who knows how many of them she has ignored and/or thrown out.)
Let me take a break for a rant. I don’t know WHAT it is with my mother. My dad finally gave in and let me give him $300 a month (a pathetic rent payment, if you ask me…), but my mom will NOT let me step in and contribute. I understand pride, but its ridiculous! I have to beg her to deposit the checks I give her….and that’s for things she’s paid for for me (like car insurance, plane tickets when we travel together, etc.). Its not like I’m broke! Anyway, partly my fault, I just need to get out of the house….
Back to the loan. What do I do? Part of me says to just give it up, my mother’s stubborn as hell. But then again I chose to go to the school I went to (I could’ve gone for really cheap to a state school), she wasn’t part of the decision at all, so why should she be paying for it? Another part of me thinks that I may still have the loan information stored in my online banking from back when I was in school and I deposited part of my refund back into the loan account. But sending a payment is risky….what if that was another account number? What if the number changed? I don’t know what the balance is!! I’m pretty sure if I call the bank they won’t give me any information, since its not my account. I’ve even considered breaking into her statements, but then I run the risk of alienating her.
So, what would you do? Keep insisting to pay the loan, or call it a day and move on?
QuarterLife Finances 
May 28, 2009 at 2:02 pm
if it’s really important to you to help pay off this loan, then give it another go. but may also want to consider that paying off this loan by herself may also be of great importance to your mother. so you two probably need to sit down and talk this out. if that seems like a bit too much, i recommend writing your mother a letter explaining your side. i often find that writing a letter helps when i want to say something difficult to my mother.
May 28, 2009 at 5:30 pm
Since you’re living at home, stick $20 in her wallet every once in a while. If your mother is like mine, she probably won’t notice. You get to pay back the money, and she won’t get to say “no.”
May 28, 2009 at 5:36 pm
You could also just start saving the money to: 1) When one day she finally tells you how much is left on the loan/ how much she paid, you could pay her in one lump sum or 2) send your parents on a vacation. Or even some other variation of that.
May 28, 2009 at 6:49 pm
I was in a similar situation. I paid them back by buying groceries for the house and paying small bills. Cultural beliefs and upbringing prevented my parents from directly accepting money from me (they would be insulted at the thought) so I just got to the bills before my dad did.
As long as it’s not a life necessity bill (like utilities, mortgages, insurance), or any bill that exposes their financial situation (like a credit card bill) they will probably be cool with it. Just start paying the cable bill (or other life’s extras). Chances are they won’t really say anything.
May 28, 2009 at 8:15 pm
Girl, are you crazy? Let them pay your loans if they are insisting, and treat them to something down the line like a vacation or really special gift unexpectedly. Don’t guilt yourself and don’t keep pestering them about it. I know you feel bad for them, and you think that you’re inflicting financial pain on them – but your parents are grown ups and are capable of making their own decisions. And it sounds like they decided to help you out knowing all of the upsides and downsides. The upside is that you’re at the start of your life and parents genuinely enjoy helping out. They want you to save your money for that house you want so you can start your adult life. I make much more money than my parents now, but they always insist on paying for dinner and drinks when I come home to visit – so for Christmas and birthdays and stuff I will usually treat them to something nice. Eventually I am planning on taking my parents to Europe or the Caribbean as a big ‘thanks’ for being wonderful parents throughout my life.
May 28, 2009 at 10:18 pm
I would put the payment amount into an account every month like you’re paying the bill. If your mom genuinely wants to pay loans that are in her name that’s her choice. If your parents have a rainy day or just really want something you’ll have the funds to help them.
May 29, 2009 at 7:28 am
Tag, you’re it. http://beachgirlsblog.wordpress.com/2009/05/29/tag-im-it/
May 29, 2009 at 8:39 am
I think Nick has the best idea of all. My friend gave her parents a cruise to Alaska for a big wedding anniversary last year, and they were absolutely thrilled. I guarantee you that you parents would remember and cherish that more than your paying any bills.
May 29, 2009 at 8:49 am
I do like Nick’s idea, but it feels irresponsible to me since my parents are suffering financially right now. If she allowed me to pay for my loan it would be one less bill she had to pay. But she won’t.
May 29, 2009 at 4:37 pm
What about paying one of the utility bills each month? If there is a way you can get the actual bill and send it payment and just mark “PAID” on there and tell them you want to help and they need to accept it.
May 29, 2009 at 6:55 pm
Nah, they’re like me and pay that stuff online, lol. I’ll figure something out…