That is how long I was unemployed.
There are so many thoughts running through my mind right now. So many things I want to share, but it’ll be a while before I can get all of my emotions in order. One thing I realize though is that for this past year I kept thinking “as soon as I find a job it’ll all be over. I can return to my former life, and this will all have been nothing but a distant memory….” Well, I was wrong. This isn’t over.
I’ll tell you more about my new job in another post, save for one detail….it pays less. A LOT less than I got paid at my last job.
One of the reasons I stayed away from this blog for so long (other than my supposed excuse of not having an “enter” key on my keyboard) was that I was embarrassed. Embarrassed I’d been unemployed for so long and still hadn’t been able to get a job, when everyone else around me was getting hired. I wasย embarrassed of the fact that I was suddenly hesitant to apply for lower-paying jobs when I’d previously stated that I didn’t think anything was “beneath me”. I didn’t want to work retail, I didn’t want to work a “mindless job”, I didn’t want to make less than $30,000 a year. I was stubborn. In my mind, as soon as I took a job in any of those categories my situation was no longer temporary…..it was real. I’d have to cut back. I could no longer sustain this lifestyle.
Deep down inside, I didn’t want to work. I was enjoying myself…..a lady of leisure, minus the husband that pays for everything. I could go join my boyfriend for lunch in the middle of the day. I was enjoying my new hobby, and discovering even more things to do. It rocked, really. Except I was financing this lifestyle with my savings, which were slowly (or not so slowly, actually) dwindling.
Don’t get me wrong though, I was still looking for work the whole time….but I can’t exactly say it was an aggressive search.
What I’m basically saying is I was delusional. I was living in this fantasy world where my unemployment existed in a vacuum. It wasn’t really happening. For most people unemployment would’ve been PF blogging GOLD! Hello! When else are budgets more important than when you have no money coming in?! However I retreated.
Nothing is more evident to me now….I have a spending problem. Instead of budgeting like a madwoman I resigned to having to spend all of my savings. What else could I do, right? I proceeded to spend as if I was still more than I did when I was making $60k a year!
You know, I always think back to a comment someone made once on this blog…to paraphrase, they basically questioned whether having such a big emergency fund was really a good idea. If I had enough money to last me over a year without working, wouldn’t that be counter productive? I wouldn’t be motivated to go out and find a job right away. I’m sad to say they were right.
Anyway, I don’t start my new job until Monday, but I figured it was time I broke the silence here. Thanks to anyone still reading! And please, no disparaging comments. It’s taken a lot of effort for me to be this open, so please be respectful.
March 23, 2011 at 1:27 pm
How exciting! If you have never been unemployed, I’m not sure you can appreciate how difficult it can be – in ways that are not just financial. Congratulations on your new job! Here’s to a fabulous first day!
March 23, 2011 at 2:07 pm
Welcome “back”!
I’ve had friends in similar situations, so no disparaging remarks here – just sympathy and reassurances that we still read the blog and care ๐
March 23, 2011 at 3:14 pm
Congratulations on finding a new job! Although it may not be ideal, It’ll hopefully be a stepping stone to something better (or motivation to find something better?!)
March 23, 2011 at 8:21 pm
Congratulations on the new job. The whole job search is a hard process… did you have to relocate? I hope everything works out.
March 24, 2011 at 12:23 am
Congrats on the new job!
March 24, 2011 at 2:34 am
Well, it’s all a journey isn’t it? One of the reasons I like PF Blogs is because it explores the mental issues we have with finances. We all have them. ๐
Welcome back and congrats!
March 25, 2011 at 12:27 pm
Congrats! I was laid off some years ago and while it was for a shorter period of time, I definitely sucked at budgeting and was certainly living beyond my means! It’s SO hard…and being unemployed is emotional, too. Hence you spend to make yourself feel better. No judgment here–just, welcome back!
March 26, 2011 at 3:34 pm
Thanks! You all are too nice! =D
April 3, 2011 at 4:58 pm
I’m glad you shared this post… I just lost my job and am figuring out my budgets, etc. and all the things I will have to deal with while unemployed.
I found your point about being *too* prepared really valuable. If I have too much in my savings account I might get comfortable not working, and be less motivated to get a job. I can totally see this happening.
So glad you mentioned it!
April 3, 2011 at 4:59 pm
[…] pretend that I’m hanging on by a thread so that I’ll be more motivated to find a job. A fellow blogger was prepared for a year of unemployment, but found that because she had that safety net she was […]
April 5, 2011 at 12:52 am
I am in the exact same boat that you were in fact when I saw how long you were unemployed I laughed because that is exactly how long it has been for me.
I can relate so much to that wanting to pick a job that was better and now I am also at that stage I didn’t think I would have to get to by applying for retail jobs and jobs that I have done before. Also the embarassment that came from being unemployed I just finally went public with it 3 months before that and now everyone knows and I am okay with that.
I like you tell myself it’s all in the timing and to enjoy the time that I do have off because before I know I’ll be back into the groove of things and begging for time off.
I did end up getting unemployment, and that is officially done so now I officially have no money coming in but what mom brings in (I live w/her as roommates) and am in the mindset that I just need a job that will pay the bills for the interim (but I am still now willing to compromise my values) and I will be a happy camper. Also I am thinking that if I do get a “mindless job” it will leave me more mind to concentrate and focus on growing my side jobs the ones that might actually do more for accomplishing my goals that I would like to achieve in the future.
Congrats on your new job I hope I can write a similar post very shortly.
Take care and looking forward to reading more about about life as you get back “into it”.
Tina Marie
April 5, 2011 at 12:57 am
oops should be not willing to compromise my values. I have a list of jobs I won’t do based on moral grounds. and that won’t change for anything I’ll go work at a Mcdonald’s or call centre before I would do something to compromise me. Been there, done that and will not do it again.
April 5, 2011 at 8:02 am
What a great post, and welcome back!
I think I probably would have done the same in your shoes. I have another friend who is STILL where you were 2 years since having a job.
We all have our moments to make us face who we are with money, this was yours. ๐